Robyn's Words

I do not look for you except when I see you

1 Comment

Choose a favorite poem written by somebody else, type a copy of it, delete every other line from the poem, and write your own lines to replace those you’ve deleted. Next, delete the remaining lines from the old poem so that only your lines remain. Read what you have, and revise it, adding new lines to fill in the gaps.

Original

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Replace every other line

I do not love you except because I love you;
I do not look for you except when I see you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
Listening for your voice in the silence between footsteps.I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
Like a tree in a hurricane of wind, I have no choice but to
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is your steady  erosion of my frozen heart.

Maybe January light will consume
the last vestiges of frost with its
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

The one casualty is my doubt of love’s existence, It
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
And shall never stop listening for your voice beneath the wind.

Delete remaining lines

I do not look for you except when I see you,
Listening for your voice in the silence between footsteps. Like a tree in a hurricane of wind, I have no choice but to
Is your steady  erosion of my frozen heart.the last vestiges of frost with its

The one casualty is my doubt of love’s existence, It
And shall never stop listening for your voice beneath the wind.

New Poem:

I do not look for you except when I see you- by Robyn

I do not look for you except when I see you,
And then you are everything, everywhere, expanding to fill the horizon.
My eyes are blind with the vision of you,
My ears straining to hear your voice in the sea of voices separating us.

Like a tree in a hurricane of wind, I have no choice but to
yield to the possibility of you.
Of us.
Your fingers on my skin,
My breath in your ear,
This yearning begins the erosion of  my frozen heart.

The promise in your eyes destroys
the last vestiges of frost with its heat.
One look and the cold, lonely days and months and years burn away.
Warmth enfolds me.

The one casualty of this Spring is my doubt. It dies,
A naked, whimpering thing, cowering from the light of love.

Until you turn,
Until you walk away.

My sight dims, my skin cools.
A spider-web of ice begins to form again.

Winter returns, and yet,
something survives.
This new creature hiding in the frigid, dark shadow of my heart,
this new Thing
still looks for you,
Listening for your voice beneath the wind.

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One thought on “I do not look for you except when I see you

  1. I like it!

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